2009年12月19日 ><

言犹在耳，才说小叔已经住院了一个月，12月19日早上7时05分，小叔却已经离开了我们......

那是一个很混乱的早上吧，我们一家人，除了正在医院守夜的老爸，都被最近在我们家过夜的家恩（我妈看的孩子）给吵醒了。正当大家准备倒回去睡觉的时候，突然电话铃声响起...... 我们马上非常紧张起来，毕竟最近是非常时期~~~ 结果，果然不出所料，是爷爷打电话来说因为小叔病况危急，姑姑已经上医院了，向确定我妹有没有做工，有交通吗。听到这个消息，我们又马上打电话给老爸，然后就马上赶去医院了......

结果，去到医院，我们就知道小叔应该撑不过今天了。结果最后只有我们几个还来得及见小叔最后一面~~

小叔，上了天堂，一定要幸福、快乐。不用担心我们，我们会过得好好的。再见了~~~~~~~~

近况

再来，顺道报告一下近况吧~~

自从4月开始，我就已经在新山百万镇一间补习中心教书了。是我中学时补习的地方哦！之前考虑换工作时，amy老师就刚好打电话问我有没兴趣加入他们，我二话不说，本来么我对教书就很有兴趣，所以就答应了他们......

在这里工作应该差不多半年了，虽然起薪没有很高，对我来说，够用就好。最重要的是，这里老师们对我都很不错，而且我也做得很开心。除了偶尔会被学生气到之外，其他的真的还不错。在这里，我还是以教英文还有华文为主，数学和科学也有，不过就比较少班。虽然会因为学生的成绩而感到压力，不过我都还可以承受。也会因为看到学生有进步而有成就感，还蛮开心的^^

总而言之，工作上的事，大家都可以放心了，目前为止我都过得还不错，也已经渐渐上手了。我会加油的！！！！

健康果然还是最重要的~~~

庭妹那天说楚啊，你最近怎么都没更新部落格啊？我才发现原来我还是有忠实读者的，谢谢你啊，庭妹。真的觉得有你这个朋友是我一大幸福啊！！爱你哦~~

其实，最近家里发生了很多事。小叔最近因为肝癌病情恶化，最近都在医院。看着曾经非常健康的小叔突然消瘦了下来，讲话有气没力，而我却无能为力，真的很难受。想当初我刚上京都念书时，小叔真的帮了我很多，可是现在...... 可怜我的婆婆、姑姑最近常常掉眼泪。可幸的是，我每有看到那些话面，因为我一定会受不了的。好才，最近他比较精神一点，至少能吃，可以自己上厕所，我家里的长辈们才可以放心一些。可是，世事难料，医生也不怎么看好，似乎也只能走一步算一步了~~

小叔，可以的话，你一定要健健康康的......

思绪混乱中。。。

本来么，想在新年回来过后更新我的部落格的，却发生了一大堆事让我兴致缺缺，所以也会空白到现在，也破坏了我的目标 :<

说实话，最近工作上很不开心，真的很不开心，也很不顺，还跟老板吵了一架！越来越没有自信，真的，觉得自己很没有能力，很笨！一直做错事，一直忘记东西，一直让是同事但也是很好的姐妹失望。。。觉得好像随着时间的过去，我已经不是以前的楚君了， 好像快要失去自己了 @_@ 我很想喊救命，可是却发现自己说不出口。说真的，如果不是一直以来有anna陪着我，又或者是我知道我有你们的支持，我想我已经崩溃了。。。很危险吧？可是，怎么办？千言万语在心里，却发现全部的感觉都是笔墨甚至是言语难以形容的。我发现自己很笨，笨于措辞，也笨于人际关系，不晓得如何和人相处，不晓得如何和人沟通，不晓得如何圆滑的处理事情。。。真的觉得自己笨手笨脚，什么都学不会。都已经在这儿工作了差不多10个月，却不学无术。真的不懂为什么我会这么笨！好想哭哦！！！事实却是我也哭了几次，却好像怎么哭也哭不完，唉，很复杂的心情，非常讨厌这么懦弱得自己！可是这次好像真的不行了。。。

真的很期望转换工作环境过后，我可以找回自己的自信吧。可是，还是要想些办法让自己可以潇洒的、没有顾虑的、甚至是勇敢的、自信的在3个礼拜后离开这里。。。在努力当中。。。

。。。。。。

A New Cigarette Hazard: ‘Third-Hand Smoke’ - By RONI CARYN RABIN

Found an interesting article, most people heard about second-hand smoke, but researchers found the existence of "Third-Hand Smoke" which is more harmful to health and unfortunately very difficult to avoid and prevent from as long as there is smoker around you....

Parents who smoke often open a window or turn on a fan to clear the air for their children, but experts now have identified a related threat to children’s health that isn’t as easy to get rid of: third-hand smoke.

That’s the term being used to describe the invisible yet toxic brew of gases and particles clinging to smokers’ hair and clothing, not to mention cushions and carpeting, that lingers long after second-hand smoke has cleared from a room. The residue includes heavy metals, carcinogens and even radioactive materials that young children can get on their hands and ingest, especially if they’re crawling or playing on the floor.

Doctors from MassGeneral Hospital for Children in Boston coined the term “third-hand smoke” to describe these chemicals in a new study that focused on the risks they pose to infants and children. The study was published in this month’s issue of the journal Pediatrics.

“Everyone knows that second-hand smoke is bad, but they don’t know about this,” said Dr. Jonathan P. Winickoff, the lead author of the study and an assistant professor of pediatrics at Harvard Medical School.

“When their kids are out of the house, they might smoke. Or they smoke in the car. Or they strap the kid in the car seat in the back and crack the window and smoke, and they think it’s okay because the second-hand smoke isn’t getting to their kids,” Dr. Winickoff continued. “We needed a term to describe these tobacco toxins that aren’t visible.”

Third-hand smoke is what one smells when a smoker gets in an elevator after going outside for a cigarette, he said, or in a hotel room where people were smoking. “Your nose isn’t lying,” he said. “The stuff is so toxic that your brain is telling you: ’Get away.’”

The study reported on attitudes toward smoking in 1,500 households across the United States. It found that the vast majority of both smokers and nonsmokers were aware that second-hand smoke is harmful to children. Some 95 percent of nonsmokers and 84 percent of smokers agreed with the statement that “inhaling smoke from a parent’s cigarette can harm the health of infants and children.”

But far fewer of those surveyed were aware of the risks of third-hand smoke. Since the term is so new, the researchers asked people if they agreed with the statement that “breathing air in a room today where people smoked yesterday can harm the health of infants and children.” Only 65 percent of nonsmokers and 43 percent of smokers agreed with that statement, which researchers interpreted as acknowledgement of the risks of third-hand smoke.

The belief that second-hand smoke harms children’s health was not independently associated with strict smoking bans in homes and cars, the researchers found. On the other hand, the belief that third-hand smoke was harmful greatly increased the likelihood the respondent also would enforce a strict smoking ban at home, Dr. Winickoff said.

“That tells us we’re onto an important new health message here,” he said. “What we heard in focus group after focus group was, ‘I turn on the fan and the smoke disappears.’ It made us realize how many people think about second-hand smoke — they’re telling us they know it’s bad but they’ve figured out a way to do it.”

The data was collected in a national random-digit-dial telephone survey done between September and November 2005. The sample was weighted by race and gender, based on census information.

Dr. Philip Landrigan, a pediatrician who heads the Children’s Environmental Health Center at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York, said the phrase third-hand smoke is a brand-new term that has implications for behavior.

“The central message here is that simply closing the kitchen door to take a smoke is not protecting the kids from the effects of that smoke,” he said. “There are carcinogens in this third-hand smoke, and they are a cancer risk for anybody of any age who comes into contact with them.”

Among the substances in third-hand smoke are hydrogen cyanide, used in chemical weapons; butane, which is used in lighter fluid; toluene, found in paint thinners; arsenic; lead; carbon monoxide; and even polonium-210, the highly radioactive carcinogen that was used to murder former Russian spy Alexander V. Litvinenko in 2006. Eleven of the compounds are highly carcinogenic.

~ cited from The New York Times, 2nd January, 2009 ~

新的一年 = 新的希望？

终于，告别了2008年。这一年，发生了不少事......

隐隐约约只记得：国内，首先，国阵首次在大选中受重挫，失去了半壁江山；安华卷土重来，同时又面对当年的指控，若是被陷害的，只能说动手脚的人毫无新意。国外，中国四川地震，粉碎了多少家园，却也与此同时显现了中国人的坚强意志；中国北京成功举办了忘了第几届的奥运会，开幕仪式效果震撼，（永远忘不了圣火点燃的那一刻）下届主办国英国伦敦也因此备受压力，直觉开幕仪式不能与之相比 （加上最近经济风暴的影响）；中国力压美国，成功击败美国在奥运金牌排行榜上位居一位；美国经济受挫，邻国新加坡遭受最直接的影响，多少在新加坡工作的大马人民也因此失业了；奥巴马成功出线，成为美国历史以来第一位黑人总统；泰国政变，旅游业遭受打击，至今还未解决...... 等等等~~~

而我本身，也发生了不少事...... 终于完成我的fyp了，而且也拿到了很不错的成绩；完成了四个月的实习，还在等着报告的成绩；开始了生涯中第一份正式的职业，可是半年也过去了，却似乎还找不到自己的定位，甚至还迷失了原来的自己，做错了一大堆难以挽回的事，也越来越没有自信，越来越不懂得如何应对，也就越错越多的感觉；朋友问为什么我会变成这样，说真的我自己也不清楚，似乎一开始我就已经将自己放去太低的位置，也就变得没自信，做什么事都战战兢兢。看太多戏、太多小说，对职场人事间的关系没有信心，虽然一直有anna陪伴着我，但始终没有勇气也无法敞开心胸认识更多人，我的心里有太多的偏见，还在慢慢改善当中；心态似乎也越来越不正确，偶尔修正回来了，但很快的又会变回去；时好时坏的表现让我的上司对我很头痛，加上我是个超级隐秘的人，完全无从了解我，也让他更加懊恼；最近一位来自help的同学会加入我们，却也同时给了我极大的压力, 因为她真的很有自信，在短短2天内认识我们的公司，就很勇敢的代表我们的公司做presentation, 嗯，似乎差了一大截呢......

P/S: 相信多数朋友都会认同我难以了解这句话吧，不好意思呐，我真的太习惯独自解决事情了，所以很少会吐露我的心事，真的对不起所有关心我的人。当然，江山易改，本性难移，不是故意找借口，可是我想我以后还是不太可能找在看着这篇文章的你，抑或是关心我的你倾诉我的心事，可是我能够答应你们的是，我一定会在崩溃之前或者是承受不了的时候找个人谈谈或是写出来让大家知道。相信我会在更多时候选择后者，真的不习惯面对面说这类的事，原谅我呵，太过内敛了。

无论如何，我想我在这全新的一年里，首要达到的目标应改就是找回自己，找回我的自信！真的希望这不需要太长的时间，祝福我吧！我答应自己，也答应一直以来支持我的anna, 我一定要达成这个目标！！

另外，嗯，我想另一个目标是每个月至少更新一次我的部落格，去年真的太懒惰了，今年希望可以改善这个情况......

当然为了真的能够达成这两个目标，希望在看着这篇文章的你，能够答应我一项艰巨的任务，就是提醒我我必须完成这个目标，第一个目标时限是2月之前，第二个目标当然是每个月结束之前。之所以艰巨，因为我已经预知若太过频繁，我应该会觉得啰嗦吧；所以不晓得有没有人能够忍受的了我的坏脾气呢？不管怎样，我真的希望有人能够督促我，不过就真的要做好被我唠叨的心理准备了......

衷心的渴望：新的一年 = 新的希望 ！！